Highbrow humor. Low self-esteem.

The dumbest smart person in comedy.

Fun Facts! Facts that are Fun!

You know when you can’t sleep at night and even three or four slices of ham can’t stop your mind from spiraling into a vortex of dread and self-doubt? Read this section when you hit that low.

Former Bookseller

Ask me about my favorite book if you want to hear me talk for an hour and a half straight.

Classics Degree

Worthless, utterly worthless.


I don't believe in that shit, but I've been told that my sign means that I will not believe in that shit.

Owns a Pug

His name is Ignatius J. Reilly and he makes up half my Instagram, obviously.


This is still listed on my résumé under "special skills."

Beat Mega Man X

At age 30. Take that, Dad!

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